FEAR!!!

As I sit here this morning so much comes to mind. To think about one’s life and how we end up where we are? Currently I am in a place that I wish to not be in and I want to escape from this place, but I cannot. I am stuck here until I get myself together and grow up and act like a real adult –FUNNY THE WAY LIFE CAN BE SOMETIMES!!!

My name is Cydni and this will be my first blog…

You ever feel that people just don’t understand you? That they see you as your past self or the person the imagined you to be? I wish that they could understand me and that they would realize that I am who I am. I cannot change that and I will not change that!!! I will be me and that’s all I can ever be, but we will move on from that right now to the discussion at hand.

So I am 30 years old and I have been to school for Business Management, Christian Counseling, Web Design and I am back in school for Cosmetology (and this is my second time going for Cosmetology). I have gone through life in a haze and a daze not knowing what I want to do. Afraid of pursing my dreams, always wondering what others will think of me. It took me until now to realize it doesn’t matter what people think of me or how they view me, it is ultimately my decision of how I see myself that will make or break me so to speak.

Now here I am facing the decision to finally take my Cosmetology exam, and yes I am terrified—Fear has always been that constant friend in life that always speaks the negatively and keeps me from pursing my dreams—but in the words of Joyce Meyer, “I must do it afraid,” or not at all. I cannot allow the fear to control me anymore! I cannot allow it to incapacitate me and keep me bound by the idea of not succeeding! No one that is successful never failed! It is in our design to fail at something, but it is also in us to get up and try it again until we succeed.  

I can only succeed if I believe I can succeed!! I will only accomplish my dreams if I pursue them in reality!! One cannot be idle and expect greatness to happen, the old saying goes, “Idle hands are used for the devils work,” or something along that nature!!! My dream will come true, and I will stop being afraid of pursing life and live and oh boy will I live!!

I just want you all to understand that fear can be a hindrance to you!! It can cause you to wait 30 years to realize that this is your life and you have to live it! You have to get up off your sorry behind and make things happen!! God will only do so much, He requires us to put a little humph in it!! We cannot wait around for other people do what we can do today!!

No get off your tuckus and make life happen today!!!

fullbodiedlovin:

Here’s to a week for the unconventional before and after photos, National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. For most of my life, I’ve been heavier, and consequently shamed and belittled for my weight.  When I started college, however, I weighed 103 pounds, was eating 400-600 calories a day, doing about 90 minutes of cardio daily, and most importantly, I was anorexic. I was 15 pounds underweight, but no one thought to say anything because they were too busy applauding me for my unnatural weight loss. This is me calling them out. This is my telling them they were wrong. This is me thanking my real life and tumblr friends for everything they have done to get me to the wonderful place I am today. So fuck you traditional pictures of “healthy”, I may be fat, but I beat my eating disorder. 

I love it!

fullbodiedlovin:

Here’s to a week for the unconventional before and after photos, National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. For most of my life, I’ve been heavier, and consequently shamed and belittled for my weight.  When I started college, however, I weighed 103 pounds, was eating 400-600 calories a day, doing about 90 minutes of cardio daily, and most importantly, I was anorexic. I was 15 pounds underweight, but no one thought to say anything because they were too busy applauding me for my unnatural weight loss. This is me calling them out. This is my telling them they were wrong. This is me thanking my real life and tumblr friends for everything they have done to get me to the wonderful place I am today. So fuck you traditional pictures of “healthy”, I may be fat, but I beat my eating disorder. 

I love it!

Reblogged from fullbodiedlovin